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Fade in.

A suburban living room.  Two young men, one young woman are sitting, looking thoughtful.  The two guys, Steven and Ben sit on the couch, while the girl, Liz, lays on the floor.  Steven holds a camera in his hands.  Ben has a notebook and a pen.  They seem bored and antsy.

Steven: Maybe we should just forget about this whole movie thing, Ben.  I'm perfectly content directing ...little movies in my head... and stuff.

Ben: I'll think of something Steven.  Don't worry.  I'm a writer.  I'll write.  You just can't force inspiration.  It takes thought and luck and time.

Liz: Ben, speaking as an actress dating a director who hangs out with a writer who all are interested in making a movie... just write something!

Steven: You know what always inspires me, Liz my dear?

Liz: What inspires you, honey cheeks?

Steven leaps up off the couch.

Steven: Shopping!

Steven bounds out of the room.  The other two make no move.

Liz: Shopping would involve me moving right now, wouldn't it?

Ben: How about a movie about a girl who can only move at night, and how it affects her?

Liz rises off the floor and walks out of the room.

Liz: Actually, shopping sounds pretty good.

Ben: How about a movie about a genius who isn't appreciated by his friends?

Interior of a music store.  Steven and Liz are flipping through CD's.  Ben is flipping through his notebook.

Ben: You know what the problem is?  It's this town.  Nothing ever happens.  They say you have to write what you know, but I don't know any...

Liz: That's fascinating, Ben.  Stevey, how's this one?

She holds up a CD for him.

Steven: It sucks.  Ben, was it really necessary for me to bring the camera along?

Ben: Absolutely. Inspiration might strike at any moment. 

Ben picks up a CD.

Ben: Ooh, this one's pretty good.

Steven: It sucks.

Ben: What the Hell do you listen to anyway?

Steven: Polka.  Country.  You know that album from a couple of years ago with those monks?  I wore my copy out.  Good stuff.

Liz: You are so full of crap.  I'm going to go look at the movies.  You know, Benny, if you want inspiration maybe you should too.

She walks away.

Ben: How about a movie where there's this real bitch of a...

Steven: Maybe you should just go look at the movies.

Ben: Good idea.

Ben walks away.  Steven picks up a CD.

Steven: Ooh!  The monks put out another one.

Puts it under his arm and goes to join the others.

Ben and Liz are looking at the videos.  Ben's eyes keep drifting behind him.

Liz: I can see you looking at the pornos, Ben.  You're supposed to be trying to get inspired.

Ben: Oh, I'm inspired.  Hey, Liz, are you a virgin?

Liz: What the Hell kind of a question is that?

Ben: Well, pornos, and... If I'm going to write a roll for you, I need to know you better as a person.

Liz: Oh.  OK.  Well, I'm in my second virginity.

Ben: You mean you had sex before but now you're starting over and you're not going to have it until you're married?

Liz: Something like that.  Actually, I never ended my first virginity.  I just like to say I'm in my second.  That way you get the respect of a virgin without the embarrassment.  Does that help you?

Ben: Um... tremendously.

Steven enters.

Steven: What's up, kids?

Ben: I was just restating my earlier remarks that we live in a suburban death land.  Nothing ever happens here.

Steven: I agree completely.  Personally, my problem is that I feel limited by my talents.  Sometimes I can't decide if I'm an over-achieving procrastinator or a procrastinating over-achiever.

Liz: Is there a difference?

Ben: How about a Star Wars type of movie, except everything takes place in a refrigerator.  Like, evil carrot troopers battling the heroic rebel grapes.  That sort of thing?

Steven: Not only is that retarded, but with what money do you plan to make this?

Ben: Oh yeah.

Tastee walks up to them.

Tastee: What's up, cats?

Liz: Hi, Tastee.

Steven: Taster's Choice!  How's it goin?

Ben: (Mumbles incoherently)

Tastee: Mind if we go outside?  I've gotta smoke.

Liz: OK.

Ben: (Mumbles incoherently, angrily)

Two little kids are staring at a small firecracker they've placed in the parking lot.  It's not lit and they're dancing around it.  Ben is watching this intently as Liz and Steven talk to Tastee.  Tastee holds a cigarette in one hand and an inhaler in the other, and he puffs each alternatingly.

Tastee: So what's with the camera?  Gonna film some sexcapades?

Steven: Nah.  We're gonna make a movie, as soon as Ben gets some friggin ideas.

Liz smacks Ben.

Ben: Ow!  You know, Mr. Williams...

Tastee: Call me Tastee, Skipper.

Ben: You know, Mr. Williams, maybe you shouldn't smoke those things since you have severe asthma.

Tastee: Nah, it's cool, man.  As long as I've got my inhaler I'm good.  I'm not dead yet.

Ben: Thank God for small favors.

Liz: Would you like to sit in the time out chair, Ben?

Tastee: So, you're trying to think of ideas?  How about... OK, there's this guy, and he's a really cool guy and stuff and he's got a cool name like... Yummy, or something.  And like, he's just trying to get by, you know.  And then he becomes like a famous musician and then he dies in a plane crash.

Silence.

Steven: That's La Bamba.

Liz: Or the Buddy Holly Story.

Ben: Or... no, they never did make a movie about the Big Bopper, did they?

Tastee: Just tryin to help.

Steven: Hey, Tastee, I've gotta go get some more film for the camera.  I'll see you in school, OK?

Tastee: Yeah, see you around.  Good luck with your movie.

They walk away.  Tastee slaps Ben on the back.

Tastee: Get crackin on them ideas, Skipper.

The interior of Steven's car.  An average teenager's car.  Large and bulky, tan upholstery, none too aesthetically pleasing.   Steven drives, Liz rides shotgun, Ben sits in the back.

Ben: I hate that guy.  He's foul and he smells and he doesn't make sense and he calls me "Skipper."  And what the Hell kind of a name is Tastee, anyhow?

Liz: Are you thinking Ben?

Ben: I was thinking about remaking the New Testament but using lookalikes from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Silence.

Steven: You've got a sick mind.  I've read your stuff.  I know you can write.  Just, do whatever it is you did to write those things.

Ben: That took months of careful planning and waiting for the right idea.  I've got to be inspired.  Writing it is easy.  It's the idea that's the killer.

Liz: I've got tons of ideas.  How about I give you one, and you can write it?

Ben: Shoot.

Silence.  Liz scans her thoughts.  It seems like she has an idea, then she doesn't.

Ben: Not so easy, is it?

Steven: Who's up for some food?

Liz: All we've done all day is drive from place to place.  I want to act.

Ben: As soon as you give me an idea we can start cracking.

Liz: Food sounds good.

Entrance of a restaurant (the place where you stand to wait to be seated.)  The waiter is standing there, in front of the three of them.  He speaks with an accent.

Waiter: How many?

Steven: Three.

Waiter: For?

Ben and Steven both look behind them, as if trying to find teh fourth person.

Ben and Steven: Three.

Waiter: For?

Steven is about to answer again when Liz whispers in his ear.  A look of realization.

Steven: Non-smoking.

Waiter: Right this way.

The waiter leads them to their seats.

Steven: Why didn't you tell us that earlier?

Liz: I wanted to see you squirm.

Interior of the restaurant.  There's a basket of bread, which Steven is devouring, even though their main courses have been brought out.

Steven: Anyone mind if I have the last piece of bread?

Liz: You've had every piece of bread.

Steven swallows a mouthful of bread.

Steven: Yeah, well I've got to eat a lot of bread, cause I didn't like my entrée.

Ben: You certainly ate plenty of it.

Steven: But I didn't enjoy it.  In gym they always used to tell us, "If you had fun, you won." 

Ben: When we used to play hockey in gym, the other kids would always check me.

Liz: So?

Ben: We were in fourth grade.

Liz: So?

Ben: It was scooter hockey.  Did you ever get rammed by an eight year old going full speed on a scooter?  It hurts like a mofo.

Ben throws his napkin over his shoulder.

Steven: Aren't you even going to check to see if you made it in?

Ben: I'm an optimist.

Ben suddenly stares out the window.

Liz: Ben... you have an idea?  Ben?

Ben: Shh!

Outside the window of the restaurant is Paula.  She's talking on a payphone.

Steven: Jesus Christ, you and that girl.

Ben: Shut up, I'm concentrating.

Liz: Are you even going to go talk to her?

Steven: No, he's just going to sit here like this until she walks away, then he'll blather about it for half an hour.

Liz: Screw that.

Liz jumps out of her seat and walks for the exit.

Ben: Liz, what are you doing?

Liz stands beside Paula and stares at her, obviously.

Paula: (to phone) Really?  I always had her pegged for a...

She notices Liz.

Paula: (to phone) I gotta go.  Someone wants to use the phone.  Talk to you later.

Hangs up the phone.

Paula: Can I help you?

Liz: No, Paula, but I can help you.  You see that guy in there?

Inside the window Ben is fruitlessly burying his face in a menu.  Steven waves.

Paula: Isn't that your boyfriend?

Liz: No, the other one.  The one making love to the menu.

Paula: That's Bill or something, right?

Liz: Close enough.  Anyway, we're trying to make a movie, and Bill is fresh out of ideas.  He's our writer.  So, we were wondering if you could come brainstorm with us.  I know you're a clever girl.

They walk back into the restaurant.  Liz sits down next to Steven, Paula pulls up a seat next to Ben.

Paula: Hi, Bill.

Ben mouths "Bill?" to Steven.

Liz: Paula here is going to help us brainstorm. 

Paula: So, what have you got so far?

Ben: Well... Star Wars... refrigerator... Rocky Horror Bible...

Steven: Haha.  Ben's such a kidder.  You're a pitzer Ben!

He smacks Ben.

Ben: Ow!

Paula: Ben?

Liz: Ben, Bill.  He's all things to all people.  So, any ideas for us, Paula?

Paula thinks for a moment.

Paula: I'm not really good on the spot...

Steven: Take your time.

Paula: I used to write all the time.  I'm really out of practice though.

Liz: Ben's usually the king of ideas.  Whenever we get good ideas, it's like we have a little bit of Ben inside of us.

Paula: I guess I could use some Ben inside me.

Ben bites his lip.  Steven shoots him a glance.

Liz: The only requirements are that it be feasible to actually make, and there has to be a starring role for me.

Paula: Who's the male lead?

Liz: I'm not sure.  We'll probably need someone handsome, intelligent, funny...

Steven: Articulate.

Liz elbows Steven.

Liz: You know anyone like that?

Paula: How about... Tastee Williams?

Ben begins choking on something he was eating.  Eventually he recovers.

Ben: Excuse me for a moment.  I have to go to the bathroom.

Liz: Hurry back, Ben.

Ben: Say, Liz, aren't you having a terrible period today?  Shouldn't you go to the bathroom too?

Liz: I don't think that's...

Ben: Shouldn't you go to the bathroom before the blood starts gushing?

Liz: Excuse me for a moment.

Ben and Liz begin walking towards the bathrooms.  Ben walks angrily, at a rapid pace.

Ben: I am going to kill myself, and then I'm going to kill you.

Ben stops walking.

Ben: Pretend I didn't say that.

Liz: Who can blame her?  You haven't said a damn word the whole time she's been there. Liven up a little.  You're acting like a dead fish.

Ben: (singing) And I smell like one too.

They take their seats back at the table.

Paula: Are you guys OK?

Ben: Peachy!  Couldn't be better!  You know, it's days like this that make me glad to be alive.  Don't you agree, Stevey old pal old buddy old chum?

Steven: If you truly do value your life I suggest you cut the crap, chum.

Ben calms down a bit.  Liz grasps her stomach. 

Liz: Damn, those menstrual cramps are acting up again.  I'd better go to the bathroom.  Won't you accompany me, dear?

Steven: Can't you put the dime in the machine by yoursel...

Liz: I said move it!

Liz and Steven hurry away from the table, and then hide a safe distance away to observe Ben and Paula.

Liz: I think they'd make a cute couple.

Steven: Why are girls so concerned with cute couples?  Some of the happiest, most successful couples I've known have either been butt ugly or they clashed completely.  Why'd you leave poor Ben all by himself, anyway?

Liz: He needs to dazzle her with his personality.  As long as we're there to keep the conversation going, he's never going to say a damn thing.  Now, he'll be forced to talk and he'll win her over.

Cut to the table.

Ben: So... have you ever eaten bugs?  The chocolate-covered kind I mean.

Cut back to Steven and Liz.

Liz: Did you see that?  He just said something.

Steven: Do you remember when I began courting you?

Liz: It was three months ago.

Pause.

Liz: Did you just say "courting"?

Cut to the table.

Paula: So, how much do you spend a month on your action figures?

Cut to Steven and Liz.

Liz: They're really talking now.

Steven: Do you ever regret going out with me?

Liz looks at him.

Liz: What the Hell brought that on?

Steven: I don't know.  You're a pretty girl.  You could be out there playing the game.  Do you ever feel limited?

Liz gives him a kiss on the cheek.

Liz: Not at all.

She pauses to consider.

Liz: I feel limited that I'm not making a movie right now...

Steven: She's leaving.

Liz: No, they were just hitting it off.

Steven: No, she's leaving.  Look.

They see that Paula is indeed walking away from the table.  Liz and Steven walk back over.

Steven: Well, did you get her phone number?

Ben: No, but she told me she'd see me in school.

Liz: That's it?

Ben: No, I mean, she said it in a certain way.  It wasn't like, "Well, see you in school get me the Hell out of here."  It was like, "See you in school." 

Steven: You think you could get something happening?

Ben: Hey, I'm an optimist.

Liz: Now that that's out of the way, how about writing me a movie, eh?

Ben: Sorry, Liz.  It's like I said.  Nothing interesting ever happens here.  In fact, the only interesting thing that's happened to me is...

Ben trails off and stares into space.

Steven: Ben?  Ben, do you see her?  What's going on?

Cut to Steven and Liz sitting on the hood of Steven's car.  There is obvious passage of time.

Liz: So, you think we'll ever get a movie made?

Steven: Maybe, you know, life is the movie.

Liz: What do you mean?

Steven: You know how everything you did as a kid seemed so tedious and dumb, but you look back on it now with fond memories?  Maybe the secret is enjoying what you're doing while you're doing it.  You know, who needs movies when you've got real life?

Ben's voice: (off screen) And... cut.

As Ben walks up to them, camera in hand, begin a slow fade, and maybe a pull back.

Ben: That was great.

Steven: You think so?

Ben: Yeah, you've got a great future in front of the camera as well.

Liz: Did I come across as too...

(etc until it fades out)

Roll credits.

THE END